When to move on - Gay Matchmaking Agency - London New York Berlin Toronto - The Echelon Scene

When trying to find a long-term partner there is a juggling match of trying to find balance. When to move onto another date, when to wait it out and hold space for the person you’re dating, when to amp things up a level, when to forgive and when to forget. Removing the ego from situations is key and trying to see situations from the other person’s perspective. This is much easier to do when you are in a good, well-rounded place in your own life. Other ways of achieving this are – spending time in nature, meditation, therapy and journaling. There comes a point when we can move beyond our own needs and boundaries, still maintain them but look beyond ourselves, to care for others.

For example, if we can see from the offset that someone’s values are not in line with ours, but you are attracted to them and still find them appealing, time to move on. If, ultimately, what you are seeking is a long-term relationship- which is what all the men who come to our service are looking for. However, if the person you are dating has made it clear they like you and is in line with your values but may not tick certain boxes, give them a chance. Or, if you are already in a relationship and it is going through a bad patch, consider if you love the person- getting outside YOUR hurt and YOURself and listening to your partner- to find peace and resolve.

This goes too for when to take the relationship to the next level. There is no rule book on when to do this, everyone moves at different paces and some can move in after a few weeks and live happily ever after. However living together or entering a monogamous, long-term relationship will not solve your problems. Do not use more commitment as a patch to fix issues in your relationship. Moving in will not solve this, it will only hinder you down the line.

Forgiveness and when to forget is also another topic. People will not always act in line with your morals and ways of doing things. If, for example, a date shows up twenty minutes late, or drunk- perhaps take into account that your date may have been nervous or trying to look good for you. If it happens twice this is an issue. On the other hand if you are giving more than you’re getting, trust is not there, communication is gone- this is likely to be an issue down the line. At The Echelon Scene we would suggest writing things down, getting the emotions out and trying to communicate in a sandwich effect- good, bad, good- to your partner. Sometimes time, working on ourselves and space is all that is needed. Find your grounding and happiness and then try to communicate again. And know when to accept change, our life will take us in a million different directions and sometimes people will come in and out of your life. Understanding this and treating people fairly and with respect will only come back around in your favour. If you have done all of this and your relationship is not balancing, then perhaps it is time to move on. Remember who you are, your boundaries and values and find dates who line up with that. But remember, no one is perfect, including you and try to see your position in situations.

If you need more advice when it comes to balance in finding and maintaining love, please reach out directly to Jacqueline Burns and she will be happy to chat through her findings having done this wonderful job of being a matchmaker for twelve years!