September 8, 2019
"Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out."
- Monty Python: Quest for the Holy Grail
The three-day rule is this: wait three days after your first date with an eligible gay man before you call. It seems simple enough, until you start to think about it. And that’s exactly what gay matchmaker Jacqueline Burns did. Is one meant to call on the third day or do you wait three days and then call on the fourth day? Is day one the day of the date, or the day after? What if your potential gay partner calls you before then?
This isn't one of those "sound at its core" pieces of gay dating lore, it is utter nonsense and ought to be treated as such. Take that rule and throw it out the window. There is no correct time frame when searching for your gay long-term partner. There is no right answer as we are dealing with humans, who are fluid and relationships should be treated as such. Because every relationship is unique, every relationship moves at its own pace. This is something Jacqueline Burns reminds all of her Clients when gay matchmaking.
The main reason not to follow this rule when searching for a gay long-term partner is because it's secretly about "the chase." Jacqueline Burns, gay matchmaker, suggests finding someone who likes you from the get go, not someone who's interested because you appear aloof. This plays on fear and insecurity, not romance and connection, which should be the focus when gay dating.
After you've been on a first date with a potential gay partner, there is nothing to gain from withholding interest. In fact, making the first move can take off a lot of the pressure. Communication should be open, natural, and flow easily at the beginning.
If you're concerned about looking uncool or too keen with your love interest, stop worrying, you're fine and may be overthinking. If your suspicions are correct and it is one sided, better you find out early on and stop dating. Arbitrary rules can make things more stressful than they need to be. It's not a game of chicken; you can call when feels natural, which it should. If communication is a bit stilted or stagnant, communicate this, in person, and see what your gay date says. If you don’t see change or get the reaction you hoped for, find someone who it does flow with. There are plenty more fish in the sea, and Jacqueline Burns knows a lot of fish!
So, if you're looking for something to replace the three-day rule, here's my advice: Text messages.
Instead of calling your gay date one, two, three days later, which may seem daunting- send them a text message immediately after you've parted company. Text: "I had a great time tonight," or something along those lines. It's the perfect way to let your gay date know you a) had a great time and b) indicate that you would be interested in another date without asking anything from them. There's none of the pressure of a phone call, and none of the awkward waiting.
The best part is, by sending a quick message you've put the ball into their court. Communications are now open. You're interested. Their move. Either they're interested, or they aren't. Simple as that.
Now, instead of spending three days stressing about their level of interest, you know. You're already moving forward. For more gay dating advice, please contact Jacqueline Burns.