Matching based on feelings - Gay Matchmaking Agency - London New York Berlin Toronto - The Echelon Scene

At The Echelon Scene, we have discussed what is important and what is, not so important.. when dating. And today we would like to expand on this. So much of people’s criteria can be based off credentials and characteristics. These can be reactions to previous partners, good or bad. So if you had a partner who was extremely charismatic, one can be drawn to charisma going forward. Our tendency of hunkering down on the specifics e.g 'intelligent', 'confident', 'successful' could be leading us down the wrong path. Instead, a great way to visualise your perfect partner is to think of how you would like to feel in the relationship. So yes, someone might be successful, well-travelled and love art. But they might make you feel small and unimportant. If you write down ten ways you would like to feel in the relationship it can flip the script and really draw you to matches who are right for you in a long-term, monogamous relationship.

Here are some examples:

1.     Someone intelligent. Perhaps you don’t want to feel bored in the relationship and you want someone who ‘gets it,’ who you can have great conversations with and who challenges you to be the best version of yourself. So, what you want isn’t necessarily someone who went to an Ivy League University, but instead someone who makes you feel excited to speak to. Someone you can communicate with, who makes you feel like you can be yourself and be open. Visualise that and feel it. Then focus on that instead.

2.     Someone successful. Perhaps you want to feel balance of equal support in the relationship- like your partner can pull their weight and you aren’t having to support them and guide them through life. So the feeling is really someone who makes you feel safe but also like a man and who you can trust to pull their weight in building your future together.

3.     Someone funny. The feeling is someone who makes you feel light and happy that you can relax with and rely on to brighten your day.

4.     Someone sexy. Do the 6ft, muscly 10/10s make you feel sexy? Or rejected and insecure. Could someone 5’9” with shared values actually be the one with whom you have the best sexual connection?

5.     Someone genuine. How would that make you feel? Feel feelings of trust and peace. Those are the feelings that are sexy in the long run. And important.

To confirm what we said in last month’s blog, the most incredible, amazing relationships, are those where you truly know the person and they know you. They want to be with you, they make you feel good about yourself and you can go out into the world together as a team. Try not to let society place value on having a ‘meet cute,’ aka the perfect meeting: catching each others’ eyes across a crowded room. Instead focus on the life you would have with this person. Not can they take you skiing for the winter, but how would they make you feel when you’re there? Remove the credentials and think, do I want to be stranded on a desert island with this person?

For more tips and to discuss this further, reach out to Jacqueline Burns.