February 8, 2020
It's important to keep an open mind when you're gay dating to find love. Having a preference for a handsome brunette is one thing, refusing to date outside of that particular group means you're going to miss out on some potentially fantastic people. However, while over-specificity is a problem for some single gay men looking to find love, a lack of preference can actually be a hurdle for gay men looking for a gay long-term partnership.
If you're one of those people who've dated every single type of gay man under the sun and now you’re confused and not entirely sure what it is that you're searching for, narrow.it.down. Sometimes it can be easier to start at the no no’s when filtering to find your gay long-term life partner.
Knowing what you're not looking for can be just as valuable as knowing what your non negotiables are. Do you find dating men who are indecisive a nightmare? Do you find stinginess a turn off or perhaps it works well for you because you’re terrible with money? What are all the little no no’s which you’ve accumulated over the years while gay dating? Or, if you don’t have much experience gay dating look at your relationships with family and friends to note what simply will not work for you.
Then consider fundamental necessities to your future happiness, and you'll be able to narrow the pool of gay single men. When looking for potential future life-mates, it's important to consider your own value system, behaviours, character and energy. Knowing who you are, and what you want out of life is important. If you haven’t thought on it, do. Meditate, discuss with friends, begin to write things down- whatever works for you, begin to do it. Things like, do you want kids or not; if you like high-octane adventure on your vacations, or prefer to lie on an exotic beach; if you want to work until you drop or if you are determined to retire to the country, or the thought of so much nature gives you hives...
The trick to finding what you want (or don't want) in a future partner is less about knowing them, and more about knowing yourself. A little bit of honest self-reflection can go a long way.
Consider whether you have a preference for certain physical characteristics. Again, you might not even know what your preferences are. Look again at colleagues, friends, friends of friends (avoid celebrities or Instagram models, as there is a lot of airbrushing going on there). And then take a second to consider- ‘are these ideals or essentials?’ Building a life with someone rarely is based upon them having a six pack and blue eyes.
Balance in a gay long-term relationship is also key. Gay matchmaker Jacqueline Burns notices a lot of weight is put on equality. However, it's important to consider where your emotional needs could use someone different from you, as opposed to someone similar. For example, if you need someone who is softer than you to tell you to relax and be kinder from time to time. BUT, that is equally as ambitious and hard working as you. In this example, a couple like that would balance each other out. This is what people mean when they say opposites attract. Extreme opposites usually aren't ideal mates, but a little bit of friction can go a long way.
Being comfortable and happy in yourself won't just make you confident but it means you're relationship ready. And when you have an awareness of your own strengths and weaknesses, it makes it much easier to find that certain someone - or for someone else to find them for you!
If you need more advice on the subject please reach out to Jacqueline Burns directly.