The ultimate ten letter word: BOUNDARIES - Gay Matchmaking Agency - London New York Berlin Toronto - The Echelon Scene

There is so much talk these days about boundaries and triggers and protecting ourselves. But where are we over using these terms and when do they need to be put into practice. At The Echelon Scene, the first thing that we do is learn about our Client’s values. Once these are established we encourage our Clients not to compromise and it’s imperative that the match respects them. For example, if you value family and are looking to build one and the person that you are dating doesn’t, its important to focus on the ultimate goal and not get distracted. Or if you value quality time and the man you are dating needs a lot of independence and a slow non committal build, your two needs are at odds. It’s important to hold yourself to your boundaries and not lose yourself. There is a difference between compromise and losing your own needs. Compromise is: meeting a bit later than you wanted because your person is having a busy day, or meeting in a different location that works better for him as he's stressed. Where you need to set boundaries is if your needs aren’t then being met- has he asked about you or your day? Has he accommodated you, ever?

Also, can you communicate? If you set boundaries, how is that received? You should be able to communicate openly with your partner without them flying off the handle. Not everyone is perfect, so try to accept that sometimes people can get defensive, but if you cannot be open with your date or partner and say how you feel, something needs to be done. Our first recommendation would be going to couples therapy.

Once you have set your boundary, own it- be proud of it. You know yourself and what you deserve. Human nature can be to stand up for ourselves and then go back on it later. Hold firm. If your date or your partner don’t understand, write down your needs and try to calmly explain what it is you need to them, in person. Then they can see if they can meet your needs. Don’t be afraid to lose someone. You are good in yourself. If someone walks away because you expressed what you need, let them. If they say they aren’t capable of being that person for you, believe them. And go find someone where it’s easy, where you don’t have to explain yourself or hammer in basic needs.

You are a prize and you are supported, so as soon as you start believing that you won’t accept anything but what you deserve. And at the beginning that should be: fun, ease, laughter, calm and joy. Timing is everything so if he was ‘the one’ but couldn’t deliver those things, set him free. As Christina Aguilera says, ‘they say if you love something, let it go. If it comes back it's yours, and that's how you know. It's for keeps, yeah, it's for sure.’

We are here to step in wherever is needed, for all of our Clients, to ensure the dates they go on are healthy, balanced and the matches they receive share their values. For more information about how we work at The Echelon Scene, please reach out to Jacqueline Burns, Founder and Matchmaker, directly.