January 8, 2020
Family is a key value to consider when gay dating. But one often neglected. How we were raised during the first 10 years of our life has recently been proven to be more influential than we ever thought.
Who brought us up?
How did they bring us up?
How did this affect us?
Knowing the answers to these questions for ourselves can be crucial before trying to find your long-term partner. Everyone has some element of baggage, but it’s knowing how it affected is which is key.
What values were we brought up with, which have shaped who we are today?
Similarly, what do we look for in our future gay partner’s family?
Gay matchmaking agency The Echelon Scene covers family when they meet everyone personally
Gay matchmaking agency The Echelon Scene realises the influence family can have on people. Jacqueline Burns, The Founder, will ask each single gay man she meets about their upbringing before matchmaking; to understand how it impacted their behaviours today, their character and their values.
How key is the family of the gay single man she is meeting? Are they still close with their parents, siblings?
If not, perhaps they tend to seek a boyfriend who does have a close family unit.
Do they want to build a family of their own someday?
It is true with those who ARE close with their family still, you can sometimes be starting a relationship with your boyfriend and their family. Is this something which you can handle?
Cultural relationships with in-laws vary and it might be unacceptable to simply sit out family occasions. It is key to take these points into account before embarking upon a long-term partnership.
Why meeting family is important
Meeting your long-term partner’s family is important (especially if they live in the same country as you) because whether you like it or not, family is an integral part of who you are. At gay matchmaking agency The Echelon Scene, we recommend meeting family before committing to your boyfriend being your future gay husband.
Part of a healthy long-term relationship that can stand the test of time is sharing similar ideals for the future and this involves the future dynamic with in-laws. Discuss how you both see that looking ahead of time and iron out any differences.
Introducing your new boyfriend to family
For those that are close with their family, introducing your gay long- term partner to your family can be daunting. It is a big step and although it is key not to over think, it is important not to be introducing a new partner to your family every week. Gay matchmaking agency The Echelon Scene reminds their Clients in long-term relationships, not everyone is going to click. Yes, you might wish your Dad and your boyfriend had more in common, or you liked your boyfriend’s Mum, but you can’t choose family. And it is important not to let each other’s family influence the relationship. You need to forge your own life with your gay long-term partner.
You can use being around each other’s family to learn more about your partner. Be sure to observe behaviours within your boyfriend's family. Perhaps your boyfriend has a strict father- and then you can see how they do not appreciate when you put pressure on them to achieve something. And don’t use it against them. A lot of the time when someone criticises your family it can feel as though they are directly insulting you (even if you might agree) or that you are being held accountable for their bad behaviour. When you commit to a gay long-term partnership you are agreeing to be a team and your first priority should be to keep that team going strong. If you know complaining about their family is going to bring up your long-term partner's defences then wait, sleep on it. If you still need your gripe the next day, consider talking to a close friend. Your partner is not held responsible for their family, so don’t make them be.
Remember, your partner cannot read your mind. You have to tell them how you feel. Do you want to spend less time with their family? Is this an issue for them? Use the early part of your relationship to narrow these things out, so they don’t crop up later down the line and cause hurt. And remember, try not to rule people out. Yes, at the beginning you may find your boyfriends’ family dynamic intense, but perhaps his Mother might be an excellent grandmother one day and help you as a couple later down the line. Try to remain open and positive as family is a very intricate and delicate thing for everyone and ultimately, is fluid and changing.
For gay dating or relationship advice involving family or otherwise, please reach out to Founder of gay matchmaking agency The Echelon Scene directly.