December 8, 2019
CSI: The search for gay love.
It's easier than ever to look someone up online. You Googled your new employee. You stalked the guy sitting 5 seats down from you at your friend's Christmas dinner. You look in on your ex to make sure they aren't having too much fun without you...
For those of us with good google-fu and a desire to know everything about everyone, simply knowing someone's name is often enough to find them online. With a bit of extra information, the odds of finding your future date's Facebook, Instragram, LinkedIn, or other social media accounts are very high. The temptation is clear. Before you go on a date, it's natural to want to search through their old photographs and try to figure them out. This is a comfort thing. Predictability makes us feel safe. However..
Don't do it.
It's one thing when a friend has set you up with someone they're sure you'll like. “He’s gay, you’re gay- it has to work!” (Excuse our eye roll). Healthy skepticism in that case is probably wise. But when you have a dedicated matchmaking professional vetting your matches, it's best to put away the internet and have a little faith.
The reason to avoid too much pre-date searching is simple: it's easy to get the wrong impression. You can't know, just from looking, someone’s values, energy, behaviours, character, how a previous relationship went, how affectionate someone is, if they're good looking or not (some people are photogenic and some are just not)...in fact, the only thing you can often know for sure is their career history and if they have the good sense to put their Facebook profile on private.
Researching and CSI-ing a potential long-term gay partner is something most of us have indulged in. It's something to do to soothe first-date nerves and to understand more about who it is you are going to meet. But, it creates misconceptions and going into a date with an open, positive mind is the best thing you can do. Some men curate their online personas very carefully, but there are plenty of people who don't. And judging a man by how many likes he gets (or doesn't) on Instagram, is perhaps not the best way to get a good or accurate first impression. If you go on a date thinking you already don't like certain things, you're more likely to have your bias confirmed. Some men look like they spend all of their time in the gym and are super manly and you meet them and they are boyish, caring, soft and gym is a tiny part of their lives. Some men look like they’re so serious on LinkedIn and couldn’t crack a smile and those will be the ones who make our matchmaking team shake with laughter. You're more likely to see something that turns you off on Instagram or Facebook or similar than you are likely to see something that makes you want to walk down the aisle. This is why we meet everyone in person, whenever we can, as we are shocked daily at how different people truly are, offline.
We don't provide information about date's last names or workplace for this very reason. Also, to protect everyone's privacy - discretion is key. But it certainly helps to remove the temptation to do your own digging.
Dating is a balancing act - we don't want to be too eager, we don't want to be too reserved. You want to go in with an open mind, but not so forgiving that you let things pass that you're really not into... It's like finding your goldilocks zone: not too hot, not too cold. Trust us to find someone that's just right. Contact Jacqueline for more information on how to register with The Echelon Scene.